A sociologist, Robert S. Weiss identified 6 core social needs, if unmet can lead to feelings of loneliness.

1. Attachment,
2. Social integration,
3. Nurturance,
4. Reassurance of worth,
5. Sense of reliable alliance, and
6. Guidance in stressful situations

I wonder if an ‘ideal life’ can be represented by the life a SNAIL…. Living the life of a snail, we can then carry our safe place with us wherever we go. If the world is too much we can retreat within our shell and be safe. When we are needing companionship, we can travel alongside with another and yet still maintain a safe place if it gets too much. 

In Life’s journey… we can go off course

LIVE WITHIN OUR SHELL (Hiding)

• Sometimes when we want to reach out, but forget that we are within our shell (we are guarded and not make it easy for others to see or reach our real self).  
• Alternatively, we can choose to deliberately exist deep within our shells without acknowledging our core needs for connection; we are then living a half-life.

There is a part in all of us to want to love and be loved. We would like to have our own identity, be productive and be connected to others. In order to do that, we need to dare to reach out and open ourselves to live life. Life may not always be great, but surely journeying life fully extended is better than enduring a half-life. Don’t hold yourself back so much that the connection becomes disingenuous.

All of us need a safe place to weather the storm and have a place to rest. It is OK that if times are tough, to retreat and to take a break.  Just don’t stay in there for too long.  We can get used to being inside our comfort place and it can be increasingly harder to come out again.

NO SHELL (Self-sacrificing)

Sometimes we are so in need to connect (to either receive warmth or to give to ‘make a difference’) we forgo our shells. This can be dangerous because we can become vulnerable to predators or harm, we then have no safe place to retreat back to.  

It is Ok and even important to have a safe place. To do that, you need to give yourself permission to step back.

FORGET TO LOOK AFTER SELF

We can forget that we are vulnerable even with our shells in place. 

The shell can break under immense pressure from the outside or we can breakdown within our shells. 

It is therefore important to have regular self-maintenance to upkeep health.  A reminder to self, ‘I am worthy and need care and attention’.  In tough times, we need to take stock of ourselves and take control. This may result in making a deliberate effort to look after ourselves, or perhaps reaching out to seek help.